The Science of Willpower

Welcome to Stretch—I’m Charlotte, a Breath Science and Body-Oriented Coach. My mission is to live my life to the fullest potential of my brain and body, and to inspire you do the same.

Throughout my twenties, I genuinely thought I had no willpower. I had plenty of big ideas, ambitious plans, and good intentions—but almost zero persistence or resilience.

Looking back, I realize the issue wasn't a character flaw…

I was simply chronically sleep-deprived and hungover.

I now understand that willpower isn’t just about character or effort—it’s physiological.

When your nervous system is out of balance, your ability to stay disciplined and resist temptations will suffer—no matter how hard you try.

I so wish I had understood this! I mean, I probably wouldn’t have partied any less (all worth it!) but I also wouldn’t have been so damn hard on myself.

26 yo me would drop her drink if she saw me at 36. She'd be shocked by how consistently I've shown up to write this newsletter for over three years, and by how disciplined I've become about the work I love as a breathwork coach. If I could go back and tell her one thing, it would be this:

Willpower isn't about fighting yourself harder—it's about learning how your brain and body work together.

So if you constantly battle with urges, impulses, or procrastination, know that it’s not a personal failing. You're likely fighting your body's physiology without even realizing it.

One book that transformed how I think about willpower is The Willpower Instinct by Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal. It reshaped my entire approach to productivity, focus, and discipline.

These are the 10 powerful insights from the book that I come back to again and again:

1. It’s an evolutionary battle

Willpower developed as a survival mechanism, to help us resist temptation, build long-term relationships and prioritise long-term plans. This advanced self-control system was built on top of our brain’s more primitive layers.

That’s where internal conflict and friction come from:

• The prefrontal cortex, the newest part of your brain, responsible for impulse control, long-term thinking and decision-making

• The oldest, more primitive parts of your brain, focused on desire, impulse and immediate gratification

It’s completely normal to have these two opposing voices in your head, so go easy on yourself. You're navigating between two different parts of the brain—one focused on short-term rewards and the other on long-term goals. So of course that’s going to be hard!

2. Your body controls your willpower

If you struggle with self-control and discipline, understand that this is not some innate weakness of character. It’s a lack of understanding of how our brains AND bodies work.

The underpinnings of willpower are physiological.

There are many willpower traps we can avoid simply by taking better care of ourselves. Your body plays a crucial role in your ability to exert self-control, so make it a priority.

Focus on the fundamentals: good sleep, good food, regular exercise, and optimal breathing (see #5)

Get your body strong and your mind will follow.

3. Your brain rewires with every choice

Current neuroscience research agrees on a game-changing concept:

Neuroplasticity. The extraordinary ability of our brains to grow and adapt based on our thoughts, actions and experiences—no matter how old we are.

So your willpower is not fixed.

You have the power to train your brain, to improve your willpower and to make choices that align with your long-term goals.

4. Exercise builds willpower

Heart Rate Variability (HRV)—the variation in time between heartbeats— has been shown to be the best physiological indicator of self-control.

A higher HRV indicates a body that can adapt quickly to changes (whether they're emotional or physical), making you more resilient and better at handling stress.

And guess what boosts your HRV and as a result, your willpower? Exercise. And you don't need a fancy fitness regimen to do this. The body and brain don't discriminate between different forms of exercise. Whether it's walking, playing with your kids, or even cleaning—any form of movement helps. Just need to get your heart rate up!

5. Slow down your breathing

There are very few quick fixes in life, but here is one to immediately boost willpower:

Slow your breathing down to 4-6 breaths per minute (bpm).

That’s 10-15 seconds per breath—much slower than you normally breathe, but not difficult with a little bit of practice and patience.

Slowing the breath down activates the prefrontal cortex and increases HRV, which helps shift the brain and body from a state of stress to self-control mode.

First, count how many breaths you normally take in one minute. Set a timer, breathe normally and count the number of breath cycles (1 inhale + 1 exhale.)

Then, try to slow your breathing down to 4-6 breath cycles per minute. For example:

• 5 seconds in, 5 seconds out (= 6 bpm)

• 6 seconds in, 6 seconds out (= 5 pm)

• 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out (= 6 bpm)

You can experiment with a few different options to see which one feels most relaxing and grounding to you—either equal durations in and out, or extended exhale.

Use an app like Breah to personalize the durations, or just count in your head.

For most people, it’s easier to slow down the exhalation, so focus on exhaling slowly and completely (pursing your lips and imagining that you are exhaling through a straw in your mouth can help).

If you don’t quite get down to 4-6 breaths a minute, don’t worry. You build this up over time with practice. HRV steadily increases as your breathing rate drops below 12 bpm.

You’ll notice that a few minutes of this technique will make you feel calm, in control, and capable of handling cravings or challenges.

6. Small wins create big results

Studies show that committing to any small, consistent act of self-control can increase your overall willpower in other areas of life.

Think of things like not finishing off the entire bag of Doritos (guilty), or opting for the stairs over the elevator. These small choices aren’t life-changers on their own. But what you’re really training is your self-awareness. The habit of noticing what you’re about to do versus behaving reflexively, and making a conscious decision.

The more you practice these small challenges, the better your brain becomes at pausing before you act. And that will benefit you in the big moments that truly matter for your long-term goals.

7. Beware the Moral Licensing trap

There’s this sneaky mind trick called moral licensing, where when you do something “good”, your brain gives you permission to then do something “bad” because you feel like you’ve earned a reward.

It’s like saying, “I’ve been frugal all week so now I can splurge on these $300 linen bed sheets.”

Moral licensing often stems from framing our willpower challenges as “moral dilemmas”, labeling an action (and ourselves) as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

Drop the labels. This is not about being a good or bad person. Just ask yourself if what you’re about to do lines up with your long-term goals. Let that guide you.

8. The promise of happiness ≠ happiness

Whenever your brain spots an opportunity for a reward, it releases dopamine to motivate you to move and to act.

Dopamine makes you crave and pursue things, but fulfilling those cravings doesn't guarantee happiness. That’s because this in-built reward system doesn’t necessarily care about making you happy, it just cares about your survival.

Nowadays, tons of things can set off that dopamine system (snacks, social media, advertising—you name it) fooling us into thinking they’ll make us feel good. So, become hyper-aware of these false promises. Notice when your dopamine levels spike and you’re giving in to your impulses. How do you feel afterwards? Did it live up to the hype? Are you really feeling satisfied?

The more you understand how dopamine affects you, the easier it becomes to control your desires and turn to “real happiness” strategies—aka things that release brain chemicals like endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, GABA. Think of exercising, playing sports, meditating, reading, listening to music, spending time with friends or family, dancing, getting a massage, going outside for a walk, and so on.

9. What would your Future Self want you to do?

Your Future Self is you. The decisions you make today and tomorrow impact that future version of you. Sounds obvious but we don’t always act like we get that.

One way to strengthen your “future-self continuity” or the degree to which you feel connected to your future self, is using visualisation. Get close and familiar with that version of yourself. What’s important to them? What are they working on? What are they proud of?

Then whenever you’re faced with a willpower decision, bring your Future Self to mind—and I mean that literally. Close your eyes and picture that person. What would they want you to do? Be aware of mental traps like in #7. No good-or-bad labels. The single deciding question is: does it help my Future Self?

10. The power of a STRONG WHY

Write down your long-term goals and the deeper “why” behind them. Describe your Future Self in detail. This makes it 100x easier to stick to your plans and resist the pull of immediate desires and impulses.

Especially in moments of stress, this is important. When our bodies are flooded with cortisol and adrenaline, our dopamine neurons are more excitable. We get more sensitive to whatever substance our brain associates with the promise of reward.

And that’s it!

Would love to hear: which one resonates most with you?

Could use some help with all of this?

A huge part of the work I do on myself, and with my clients, is building this kind of sustained discipline and clarity in our daily lives.

We work on:

• Setting goals together, and keeping you accountable through regular sessions and check-ins. As former client Will wrote in his testimonial: with me you get “patience with just the right level of toughness. Charlotte gently pushed me when I needed it but always ensured I felt supported”.

• Building a breathwork and movement habit, where we focus on getting that HRV up.

• Improving your sleep hygiene and habits—the absolute foundation of everything—which improves your HRV, and in turn as you now know, your willpower!

So these are just a few pieces that I work on with clients in my 8-week Nervous System Potential program, using breathwork and other body-based tools.

Book a 45-mins exploratory call with me to see if this program would be a good fit for you. We’ll talk about your goals, your challenges, and do a couple of breathing exercises together. If it makes sense to work together, great. If not, I’ll point you toward other tools or approaches that could help. No pressure—just discovery.

What else I’m up to…